When it comes to things people don’t tell you about this post-birth-still-breastfeeding-not-quite-strong-enough-to-exercise period, the list is long.
The warnings of sleepless nights were frequent and grave. The warnings about the entirely new body I’d be sporting, however, were not.
Not only does getting out of the house for a walk / run take a whole lot more organising and baby-friendly suncream and emergency nappies, but my energy levels and strength are severely lacking. (Before you mention doing ‘home-gym’, let me stop you. Cabin fever is real. As is the need for sunshine on my pasty skin. The gym-gym is not really appealing, save for the free child care). Seriously, I may not have had strong stomach muscles to begin with, but post laceration they are completely gone and everything just feels different like it hasn’t settled back into place.
The leap back to my pre-preggie bod is starting to seem like a crazy, crazy fantasy and, while I’m sure getting out will get easier and I’ll find my stride again someday, I am slowly (read slowly) starting to get comfortable with the fact that my body is now just different and likely always will be. It’s just still feeling quite foreign and like we need to get to know each other. We’re sitting at the same table, we’re chatting, but we’re still a little unsure of each other.
This, coupled with the tiredness that goes with being a parent and that overwhelming no-clue-what-I’m-doing feeling can leave one with a notably lower desire to get naked and do all those things that led to making a baby in the first place.
But more than all of that, I think it’s the lack of confidence that’s bringing me down. Sure, it’s a new role and I’ll figure it all out, but every now and then when I’m bending over, crouching, or sitting with the little guy on my lap, I catch myself tugging at a shirt or wondering how many of the new little lumps are sticking. I may have lost a lot of kg’s and may LOOK ok, but I don’t FEEL it.
In truth, this is not a post about anything in particular. It’s really just a ramble about a couple of feelings. The advice and motivation I need can be found and yes, I will give it time and be patient with my new self, etc, but sometimes you just need to wallow in your current puddle for a moment or two before you jump out and get going. Wine helps, too. And champagne is ‘good for milk production’.
Anyone else wallowing at the moment?
P.S. I tried to find a funny meme about mom-bods. Surprise – I couldn’t find anything worth sharing. I then tried to find any image related to mom bodies. It took a little digging but I found a few that weren’t as defensive as the rest.
P.P.S. If you have a few extra minutes, check out this article about the post-baby body movement.