So far, the scariest thing about being pregnant has been this impending need to let go.
Now, for a lot of people that may sound like a simple and rather exciting thing. Just… let go.

I started the whole thing out with the very best of intentions, particularly after seeing this interview with Jen Garner. You know Jen, right? Effortlessly nailing motherhood in every paparazzi snapshot since I don’t know when.

Sounds easy, right? It is, when you don’t need to think about it. You think oh, I’ll deal with that later, or, I’ll just take it as it comes. Until it all starts coming at you and you need to start making decisions.

Letting go of my body as a small alien slowly settles in and starts commandeering it, sending regular functionality running for the hills, that’s been gradual so no real stress there. However, the whole getting dressed for work thing has become a bit more of a challenge as things that were appropriate with tights no longer are. Realising that this body can’t (and, arguably, shouldn’t) try to maintain the same pace of daily life as it did before has also snuck up on me a little, and I’m not as big a fan of naps as I once was. Tricky.
Realising that, in a few short months, there will be no choice but to let go of work – pass it over or let what’s going to happen, happen, in your absence. That, coupled with the realisation that leaving work to head home ‘when I’m done’ will be a thing of the past and ‘bed time’ will not be a thing I determine anymore – those things make it all a little more real.
The rest, the real mom-stuff like which brands to use and what our birth plan is and which angle we’ll change his butt from – that we will 100% be winging. We’ll be prepared, but we’ll be winging it.
Jen wasn’t kidding when she said that there is so much advice, though. My word there is a lot of it. People are pushy, and certain and cast rather judgmental eyes over this way when I share how ‘unprepared’ we really are. “You must have”, “You must do”, “If you don’t XYZ, you will never sleep / breathe / walk / eat again. You just won’t cope.”

Perhaps the scariest thing of all is wondering how you are meant to know all of the things that moms just seem to know. And how do you know what you’re meant to know and what you’ll figure out? There are books, yes, but surely the rest can’t be all ‘instinct’? I have heard that it’s one of life’s greatest questions, but it’s scaring the heck out of me. I’m sure we’ll learn by doing, but at what cost?

Let me be the first to say that I occasionally get wrapped up in it all and PANIC, and ask the mamas of the world how you let go and just go went with it? Or am I overthinking this whole thing and will there, in fact, be no time for thinking once the small human in?

For now, if you need me, I’ll be trying to channel my inner Jen. Clutching anxiously to this cup of rooibos tea.

xoxo

One thought on “Letting Go”

  1. This has been my greatest struggle. letting go. I enjoy my work and what I do. The challenges I face everyday keep me going. I also have this excessive need to want to feel needed all the time. In all honesty. I fear being replaced. Leaving for so long and coming back to find that there is no longer a need for my services. hmmmmmm. scary. Also, my social life. I used to always have lunch dates and movie nights with my girls and now I will have to have less of that because I am a mother and a wife-to be. My priorities have to change. Maybe I’m scared that some of my friends will not understand that.

    I don’t think there’s a perfect way to do things. Especially when it comes to raising a child. The pressure u feel as a first time mom is really excruciating when you’re surrounded by other “experienced” mothers who expect you to do things their way because it worked for them.

    I say “DO YOU” .. it may not be perfect in other people’s eyes but if it works for you and your family then DO YOU!! this is your time. to learn. to grow. to experience. Don’t let anyone take that away from you 🙂

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