I started this blog as a place to discuss the things we all go through, but rarely discuss. Call it a mission to make the trickier parts of life seem surmountable, because thousands of other women have been through those things before.
I wanted to be able to share the less glamorous parts of life in an honest way and let others know that even though you’re a rock star, it’s ok not to cope sometimes.
Last night I was not coping. I just felt like I wasn’t winning and, in the midst of my warm bath and massive vent about feelings of incompetence I heard myself utter something along the lines of ‘maybe I should just… because it’s easier’. The whole tear-filled slur ended with, “I’m going to be a mom, I need to be a super hero”.
Not being the type of person capable of emitting a single glistening tear, I’d say it was a bit of a messy scene. Regardless, everything – and I mean everything – came tumbling out. Kudos to my poor Other who let it all fall out and prodded to get the last little bits out so he could make sense of it all before giving me the tough love I desperately needed. No, there’s no solution or plan yet. Yes, I have no clue what I’m doing yet. And yes, it is all amplified by the fact that there is a small human rolling into our family in three months time and I want to be better / stronger / more together. I wanted my career to be more defined and feel more secure in the knowledge that I won’t be around for a whopping four months and must hand everything over to someone else, but it is what it is.
So here’s what I’m going to do:
I’m going to remember that I’m merely one human and that I am in the middle of a steep learning curve. I’m going to let myself feel whatever it is I need to. Then I’m going to shuffle the pieces around and refocus with a little more direction.
I’m also going to play this song all. day. long. You’re welcome. x